Funeral Shopping

We were in another state when Mickey passed away and the process of having him transported back home took about two weeks. On one hand it was a good thing because it allowed me time to take care of all of the business matters and funeral planning. On the other hand it was bad because I couldn't get the closure I needed until the funeral was over and the days before tended to drag on.

Besides attending a few funerals in my life, I had never been properly introduced to all of the "amenities" of a funeral home. Who knew so much thought and energy went into a funeral? Caskets, flowers, transportation, flyers, enough to make the average person's head spin. Throw shock and grief into the mix and it's a lot to process.

I sat down with the funeral home staff to make my decisions for the service. I mostly wanted to make sure Mickey would have approved of all of the choices that I was making. I could hear him, as I sat at the table, calling me a cheap ass. Therefore, I was trying my hardest not to cut any corners and to choose things that he would have picked with his extravagant taste.

Apparently, the older generation likes these little book marks they refer to as prayer cards. If you don't know, they are thick stock squares of paper that showcase a dove flying in the clouds, a deer peacefully drinking from a babbling brook, or some other tranquil nature scene on one side. On the opposite side, you are given the option to put a super sad poem of your loved one's well wishes from above, a prayer, or a Bible verse. These prayer cards are placed beside the guest book (another item I find a bit strange) and older people take them home and put them in their Bibles or panty drawer (I assume). My first thought when the assistant showed me the options for prayer cards, was that I would forego getting them, as I, a Millennial, found them to be a waste of money and trees. Hence, in a weak moment, I made the decision not to order prayer cards. I was discussing this decision over dinner later that evening. Apparently, from the reaction of my older friends, this decision would be the ultimate blasphemy of funeral etiquette, so, I had to go back to the funeral home the following day and order 500 prayer cards with the least cheesy nature scene I could find.

Another important but difficult step in the planning process is writing the obituary, which I dreaded with everything inside of me. I thought that it would be the toughest thing that I would be faced with while making the arrangements, but to my surprise it was actually very easy in a way. Mickey lived such a full, vibrant life, and left such a legacy, that writing about him was an honor for me. I wish I could have done his life more justice than the four short paragraphs I was allotted.

Besides the prayer cards and obit, I really don't remember much about planning the funeral, gathering the hundreds of pictures for the big screen, picking out verses, choosing speakers, meeting with the preacher, all of the little details that go into a funeral. At that point, if I stopped to breathe, I would fall apart.

The funeral turned out to be a beautiful event, if that's even a thing. If you knew my husband, you knew that he was all about throwing the best parties, parties that people would talk about for years to come. That being said, my goal was to put on a funeral that people wouldn't forget, because I knew that is what Mickey would have wanted. I remember sitting in the back of the limo, looking out at the long procession that followed behind, thinking, "man Mick. I wish you were here to see this. Look how many people came out to celebrate your life." It was truly one of the saddest days I have lived through, but I think we were able to honor Mickey in a way that he would have been proud of. I think it is safe to say there are hundreds of prayer cards stuffed in Bibles all over Southern Maryland that back me up on this.