Tomorrow will be the third wedding anniversary that I have had to endure without the other half of the equation here with me. I think that most would agree that it should get easier with each passing year, but I can honestly say that it hasn’t yet. Life changes, new milestones are met, and new memories made, but there is always this feeling of being robbed in the back of my mind.
Mickey and I never had any formal anniversary traditions. We would usually buy something random and thoughtful, or maybe take a trip. I can honestly say that in our entire relationship, he never sent me flowers for this occasion. Ironically, for the past 3 years, I have received 2 dozen red roses for our anniversary with a card signed “Happy anniversary. Love, Mick”. As hard as this day is for me, something about getting these roses lifts my spirit. It makes me cry because the pain that I carry in my heart is so great some days that I wonder how I will carry on. It also makes me laugh because I know that Mickey would have never spent that much money on flowers “that will just die anyway”. Then, it makes me smile. I smile because I know that his daughter is the one that sends them to me every year. Mickey left us all behind, but through the grief, his little family has become closer than ever.
I think that Mickey would look down on this anniversary and be pleased with what he sees today. He would see a wife that has fought to find herself and has chosen to live again. He would also see children that have rallied around this poor soul and given her hope when she had none left. I think that this alone is such a legacy to leave behind, but with Mickey, there was so much more.
Today I will stop and reflect on the many happy years that we were afforded. I will shed a tear for the loss that I feel. I will kiss my nieces at dinner because I now understand how short and precious life is. I will let myself love again because I know that this is what he would want for me and it is what I deserve.
I hope that what they say is true, and eventually it will get easier. Happy 9 years Mick 😊
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