It has been a while since I felt in the right mind space to share anything about my grief journey. I think life has finally shifted to a place where I am feeling more positive, so here I am. To be honest, so many things have happened over the past year. As I reflect, I wish I could do a rewind and make some changes, but instead I have to look at these times as learning opportunities and moments of growth.
I think soon, I will be ready to share the train wreck I experienced dating for the first time (after losing my husband). I won’t go into to any detail here, but if I wasn’t 100% sure before, I am now positive that Mickey was one of a kind. I am so grateful that I had the chance to live a true love story while I had him.
In the past year, I have lived in 4 different houses and 2 different states, and I am now happily settled into my new home in Georgia. I have never been so unsure about anything, but after packing up 15 years’ worth of life into a PODS trailer and moving 600 miles away, I finally feel like I may be moving in the right direction again. This journey will also be part of another blog. Too much to unpack tonight. (literally)
I learned that loss doesn’t just come in the form of death. I said goodbye to all my friends and family of the past 20 years in Maryland and Virginia and this loss has left a deep hole in my core. It’s kind of like that homesick feeling you got as a little child when you spent the night at a friend's house and wanted to call your parents to come get you in the middle of the night. It’s absolutely nauseating.
Even though some of these things have left me in a state of raging anxiety amongst other feelings, a lot of the things that I have been through have ultimately resulted in a positive outcome. I consider myself truly blessed even through the hardships that I face. Not to sound too cliche, but I think I have finally crawled out of the hole of existence that I was stuck in for so long and I am now finally living again. I know that I can take chances and try things and if they turn out to be mistakes, God willing, I will have the chance to try again. For me, this is life.
Well, I think that’s enough for tonight. There will be a lot to come!
I have to admit, it feels good to be back. xo
Love you Christi ❤️