It's Your World

Several months after Mickey's passing, I began to feel so stagnant in my house. Everything was the same as it had been when he was here, the only difference was, he wasn't here. I felt like it was hard to function with so much of him surrounding me in my day-to-day routine. Our closet was jam packed with his clothes, hundreds of his shoes lined the walls (yes hundreds!), his nightstand was still full of drugstore reading glasses, useless phone chargers, and medications. I know not every widow will go through this so soon, but I felt like I was ready to, maybe not get rid of, but at least rearrange some of his belongings. I have never been one that was attached to any material things. I feel like in life we make so many memories and we are able to carry those with us and revisit them at any time. There is no outfit that will bring anyone back from the dead so why should I hang on to all this stuff? So, it began. First, I was going to move his clothes from the closet and drawers to the spare bedroom. That led me to switching the furniture from our master bedroom with that in the guest bedroom. That, then, led to new decorations, painting the bathroom, and goodness, what an undertaking all of this was. What started off as a little organizational project turned into a whole master bed and bath renovation, but let me tell you, it felt wonderful. I could finally walk into my bedroom and feel like I could breathe. For so long I would walk into our bedroom and expect to see him laying in bed watching tv as he did every night. It also gave me a sense of empowerment because I, a female, was able to handle all of these tasks on my own. So, with all of these things refreshed, it was easier to move forward. I still have all of his clothes. They are sorted and bagged, ready to go to the local shelter for donation, I just haven't quite been ready to take them. I am starting to sell some of the larger items that I need to consolidate so that I can lessen the stress that I carry around. All in all, I say that's progress. I do always feel like people are watching to see my next move. Like, she got rid of the clothes, she must be ready to get herself another man. I know it shouldn't matter and to some degree I have stopped letting the opinions of others decide my future. I just want to make sure that in every decision I honor my husband's memory and do things that are the right things. I hope to keep moving forward in the purging process. I waited a year to get rid of anything so I am strictly following the widow rules I have read about. Hopefully, people are able to use some of the things that he loved so much and maybe they can make a small difference in someone’s life.