Wedding Bands

After losing your spouse, there is a societal set of rules that a young widow must navigate, yet there is no rule book to follow. Everyone tends to have an opinion and some people can express those opinions in a very blunt way. When to stop wearing your wedding band and the point at which it's acceptable to date are both topics that I have personally had a hard time with, but there are no shortages of opinions from people around me. I have found that some people can be insensitive, I think especially because I am a younger widow, and its almost expected that I will remarry eventually. Within a month of losing my husband I had a conversation with a good friend of ours. During our conversation, he made the comment that I was going to be okay. I was young, attractive, and I would find someone else in no time. At that stage in my grieving process, I swore that I would never love again, so this was the thing that was furthest from my mind. My feelings have evolved and I now know that I will eventually find love again, but it wasn't up to this person to tell me what my future should look like. I wore my wedding ring religiously for the first year and then one day I woke up and decided not to put it on. It was probably about 14 months after Mickey's death. It made me feel like an imposter when I would go out with friends, especially those of the opposite sex. It was a decision that I felt good about and although I had to explain my choice to a few friends, my ring has been in my safety deposit box ever since and I have no regrets about it. I have a close friend that started dating one year after his wife passed away. I have an aunt that waited almost five years after her husband and another friend who met someone 3 months after her husband's passing. Although the timeline was different for all three, they all have one thing in common. Each were negatively judged for their decision to begin dating. This just goes to show that people are going to cast judgement no matter what your decisions are when it comes to "moving forward". Personally, I am going to go with what feels right for me. If it is 2 years or if it is 10, I am going to make choices with intention, and won't put too much thought into what others have to say. If you haven't lost your partner, then you have no idea the daily struggles that we face. Not that I need a serious relationship at this point, but companionship would be nice. There are only so many meals that you can eat alone or so many movies you can watch by yourself before you start longing for a person to share these simple moments with. My poor dogs have had to listen to me ramble on for the past two years; they will probably need therapy if I don't meet someone soon!

I hope that society will eventually lift the stigma that surrounds widows and their dating timeline. We were created to find a partner, so it is only natural, whether you are widowed or not, to want to find that person that completes you. Unfortunately we didn’t choose this marital status, so cut us a little slack as we try and figure out our futures.